Friday, 19 September 2008

• Unconditional Love - Even When It Seems Impossible

  
  Disclaimer: I'm dreadfully tired right now. So much so that I'm finding it hard to keep my eyes open as I type this. With this in mind, I apologize in advance if this post isn't as "smooth" as I'd normally write it.

  I've been sitting here for the past hour listening to Christian music and trying desperately to up my spirits. With everything that has gone on the past week or two, I have found myself very depressed and such. It's not so much what's going on around me, as much as what's been going on in my head. Those details, however, I won't go too deep into here.

  Lately God has been showing me a few points of my character -- of who I am -- that are not so good, to say the least. Especially when it comes to how I relate to others. Ironically, the areas of error are ones that I really thought I was doing a lot better with. The Lord has certainly given me a few huge eye-openers the past weeks. I feel blessed about it, though, as I know He is only trying to nudge me to work on them.

  Regardless, it has left me, to put it quite bluntly, hating myself. Hating who I was, who I still am. Feeling rather hopeless and overwhelmed. Problems that I have been struggling with in my walk with Christ for a couple years now are still haunting me, still causing me to stumble. It's so disheartening, and can make one feel like they should just give up.

  Beyond that, though, there's the terrible loneliness. Sure there have been a few people around me during this, but I couldn't even begin to approach them with these burdens. So I find myself alone, as I have been for quite awhile now. As strange as it may sound, I think that God has planned it that way. Had I the distraction of human support right now I might not have realized how desperately I needed His help, how far down I still am. For that I thank Him.

  You know what prompted this post, though? Not merely to rant or look for support or anything like that. Not at all. It was a revelation He gave me as I sat here feeling desperately alone and helpless. Something that I felt I needed to share as best as I could, while it was fresh in my mind.

  God loves me. He loves me no matter how awful I am, how many times I've failed Him and others. Even as I sat there watching myself fail Him yet again, He is still beside me with as much love and compassion as ever. When no one else is there to hold me, to reassure me, to guide me. When I have driven others away. He is still there.

  Do you realize what kind of an amazing gift that is? The privilege of having Someone -- let alone our Creator -- loving us that much. Unconditional love that is beyond any that we have on earth.

  He knows our deepest, darkest secrets. Our thoughts. Our hearts. He knows us better than we know ourselves! Yet, even when we get to the point of hating ourselves, He doesn't. the exact opposite. His heart aches to comfort us and heal our pains.

  I am more thankful for this than words can express, and I know this post will not do the subject justice. Still, it is something I wanted you all to think about. To remember that no matter how low you get, how awful you feel, how helpless, He still loves you.

  Don't take that for granted. Live it. Breathe it. Thank Him constantly for it. It is the most precious gift any person could ever have, and we all have it.

  Blessings and Love,
  Sarah

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