Monday, 06 October 2008

• Prayers Please? - Going Through a Rough Time

  
  Hey Everyone,

  Finally got my computer set up with internet again, so I may be back on here a bit more steadily now.  It took awhile (and almost 3 days worth of building my office set), but it came together nicely. Now I just need to unpack and actually fill the drawers and shelves.

  That aside, I've been going through a very rough time lately. On the surface things seem to be smoothing out in my life a bit, I've got a lot to look forward to and there's a huge improvement from where I was this time last year. God has worked so many miracles in my life that I will one day share here, it's really amazing. So much so that I almost feel guilty in even finding something to not be happy about, but there are some things that I really need to stop pushing aside. It's pretty much all mental stuff -- issues and insecurities, for the most part -- but it's been effecting me really seriously the past couple weeks. I'm finding myself very depressed and not knowing how to handle it. Not to mention incredibly alone with it all.

  I won't get into details in the open here, but I could really use some support and prayers.  I feel that God is showing me some things that I need to work through, yet it's so hard to do. Especially with no one around to talk to about it, or to give advice. On the flip side, I also feel that some of it is Satan's doing -- in such a way that he's trying to upset me by making some of my issues much worse, and by adding thoughts into my head to confuse me.

  I have such little self esteem and confidence left that it's hard to do most ordinary things. For the most part I know why I am suffering from that, but fixing it is where I get lost. I've tried several things, including some counseling..and it was all only temporary fixes. Now I have found some other problems popping up that I didn't recognize before, and I'm getting overwhelmed.

  I never know what I want anymore, because I don't trust myself to make any important choices or moves in my life. So I'll constantly jump from one choice to another, to the point it'll effect how I think and feel on huge levels. It's getting confusing! I don't know who I am sometimes, because I can't decide on any clear goals or desires. Every time I do, I seem to switch on a dime...

  ..Then there's the hang-ups caused by some things I've done in the past. That in particular I don't want to discuss in the open, though. But it's left a really bad mark on me. A person shouldn't feel guilty about moving on, about being happy,...or about loving someone else.

  Anyway, I really just don't know where to turn anymore. I feel God wants me to deal with it now, and I know He'll support me through it...yet I'm so deep that sometimes I get so overwhelmed alone. Which is why I'm reaching out to you guys here. My fellow Christians, those who may actually understand a bit.  Just..prayers, support, comments...whatever the Spirit leads you to do, please do.

  If people have questions, please post them. I'll try to explain whatever I can, but right now I don't want this to be too long.

  Thanks guys. God bless.

  Sarah
  

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