Friday, 05 December 2008

• No I Can't! Yes I Can! -- Dealing with Self Doubt & Relying on God

  
  Over the past while I've been trying to figure out what God wants me to do for Him. My options are limited because I am not able to be out in the world very often, so I can't do much beyond my home. I had some ideas that I wanted to do, but never really knew which was right. Then He showed me. I probably knew before I was aware of it, but kept pushing it aside because I was letting other things get to me and prevent me from being emotionally willing to do much productive work. Nonetheless, He finally got through to me..and I was so excited when He did! I felt purpose, meaning, hope -- I felt as though I had something to work towards  that He wanted me to do. In other words, I felt useful to Him.

  It was an exciting moment, especially when I started posing my idea to others and getting really good feedback. This could really help people, and it'll be in a way that glorifies God in the process! How wonderful! Shouldn't be too hard, I figured. Apparently I jumped to that conclusion a bit too soon, however. Today I realized something very important: as much as God has given me this gift of a job and the understanding to work on it, He's going to use it as a way for me to learn as much as others. It's not merely going to be an easy little task, assembling things I already know into what He wants. Nope, it's going to require effort, time, and a lot of learning on my part. He's making sure I'm going to be as blessed as  those I hope to bless with it, but that doesn't mean it'll be easy.

  At first I got overwhelmed. A part of me (the lazy part, I admit) screamed out "What?! I can't do this. This is way over my head. I thought it would be only a small amount of work and research. Uh oh. Better back out now, while you can. You're not ready for this."...with the strong urge to go do something in my comfortable zone, my non-challenging activities that are familiar and easy. That's how I'd normally react to a task that's too big for me. To be perfectly honest, it scared me. Which opens up the doors of doubt of my abilities, of if I can handle the responsibility, of if I'll fail.

  The irony is that it's not like it's life or death. I'm not going to be a brain surgeon here! All I'm simply doing is starting a website/project. Sure, it's in a new territory for me as per subject matter (I've had many websites before, and have a graphics one now)..but it's not going to be broadcast across the whole world, right?

  ...Or is it? Who knows. God has plans way beyond anything we could guess. Maybe it'll only help one person -- maybe it'll only really end up helping me. Maybe it is life or death for someone -- when it comes to salvation.

  What I realized, though, -- or maybe I should say what God showed me -- is that I need to stop worrying and just trust God on this one. He isn't going to give me more than I can handle, and He's certainly not going to expect me to do more than I can. He'll walk me through the process, teach me as I go, and just the fact He wants me to do it will mean it'll be a blessing.

  We all have those challenges in our lives that might seem rather too much for us. We just need to trust God and take it one step at a time. Jesus told us that there is sufficient stress in today alone, so we are not to worry about tomorrow. Just deal with it moment by moment, and look towards Him to guide you as you do. It's only Satan that wants us to quit -- because quitting closes doors, while following God opens them.

  Enjoy the path, too. Worrying and stressing only ends up wasting what precious moments we have in this life, which could have been so much better spent. They are, after all, God's moments too. So enjoy it. Look forward to the challenges, no matter how big they seem. They can help us grow closer to Him.

  • 12:52 AM
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